I’ve just come back from a weekend away at the magical property where my camel lives – 3000 acres of outback bliss.
I left with the intention of continuing to write my ‘Gypsy Dreaming’ story – the series of blog posts I’m writing to tell my story of quitting my corporate job to chase camels around Australia.
Before I could start writing, I developed a timeline of events to help jog my memory of where I was when. To do this I went through all my photos, noting memories and dates. It brought up a heap of emotions to process.
Although my 2 years on the road was a wonderful adventure, at times it was also deeply challenging. A heap of emotions came flooding back and it landed me in a place that I didn’t necessarily want to be.
The same as navigating Dread (the emotion that showed up before I left), I simply sat with the feelings, questioned them, observed them and asked what the gift was in them.
Yesterday morning I went for a long walk and spent some time on my favourite rocky outcrop. As I sat there, with my heart open and connected to the Earth, I started to forgive myself. There were so many events that had happened in my life that had evoked the emotions of shame, embarrassment, hurt… but my younger self simply didn’t know better about how to navigate the situations at the time. We were flying blind and doing the best we could with the knowledge we had.
It was time to let it all go. To put my ‘old’ self to rest and rebirth into a newer version that could start fresh, without the baggage of the past. It was a beautiful freeing moment.
I drove home feeling renewed and started to realise the importance of coaching and mentorship. There are SO many areas in my life that I’ve been flying blind, which led to my previous negative experiences.
We are given so much responsibility as adults, but what if we’re never mentored how to manage different areas in our lives?
Money. I’ve always had it but I’ve never known how to manage it – not properly – it’s only just now that I’m starting to learn about how to respect money, manage it properly and have a mutually beneficial relationship.
Sexuality. I’ve had many sexually damaging experiences in my life because I’ve never known how to respect my body or use my sexuality as a tool for good. I learnt from other peers, who also didn’t know how to respect their bodies, it was like the blind leading the blind.
Animals. I’ve had them all my life, owned many different species and am really good at loving them… but I’ve never known how to truly be a good leader to them.
Mindset. When are we ever taught how to manage our thoughts so they work for us?
Menstruation. It’s only been the last couple of years I’ve started to understand the power of monthly bleeding and that it’s a huge gift to embrace – not an embarrassing problem that should be avoided.
It’s becoming clear that there are SO MANY areas of my life that I’ve been flying blind, fumbling my way through and hoping for the best… and inevitably leaving a trail of destruction to clean up along the way.
But I really don’t want that anymore – I’m keen to learn better ways of navigating my life so that it starts working for me. I want to invest in people that can help coach and mentor me in all areas of life so I can truly succeed and start being the competent driver of my own ship.
I’m 37 and I’ve only just had this realisation. Thank God I’m awakening now.
It’s time to start anew. But this time I want to do it properly – from people who have what I want, or have a gift in what they’re teaching.
It’s like I’m rebuilding myself from the ground up. And I truly can’t think of a better gift to give myself. There’s a lot of work to do, but like anything in life, I’ll just take one step at a time, and before long I’ll look back and realise I’ve run a marathon. It’s never too late to get started.