There is a movement happening at the moment on Social Media using the hashtag #MeToo which is allowing people to share their stories and experiences of being sexually assaulted and/or harassed.
When I first read a couple of people’s posts I thought it was interesting, I had a brief moment of sharing my own story, but quickly discounted it and moved on. That was until I woke up this morning and read a friends #MeToo post that touched my heart and gave me the inspiration and courage needed to break my own silent chains.
You see, I’m fortunate enough to be connected with a range of amazing women who are also lightworkers and it’s astounding how many of us have the common theme of being sexually assaulted when we were young.
This topic has been a point of interest for me for the past 3 years due to being awakened to my own experience of being sexually assaulted when I was 4 years old (*disclaimer: my experience was not by a family member*). Even more interesting was the fact I had completely wiped it from my memory until that point. And confusingly, this knowledge came to the light by again being sexually assaulted as a 33 year old woman.
Now, there’s something I want to state straight up… I understand the bigger picture of my life. There is nothing I wish to change, I know everything is perfect and has been necessary to get me to where I am, and I hold no blame or resentment toward my perpetrators. No doubt I probably chopped their heads off in a past life and this is simply our souls obtaining balance again!
But, I am interested in healing.
I still hold a heaviness in my heart that I haven’t been able to shake. I have simply learnt to live with the uncomfortable pain in my back, in my heart chakra region. My poor posture is a result of my body bringing my shoulders forward in an effort to protect my heart. I sleep with 1 leg bent high so it subconsciously forms a protective barrier to my heart. So many subtle hints my body has provided for years, that I’ve only recently learnt to read.
During a recent healing, when I journeyed back to the original sexual assault, I discovered a part of me had checked out at that point and headed for the stars. My 4 year old self found a coping mechanism for the trauma and decided it wasn’t in anyones interest (including her own) to ever visit, or acknowledge, that experience again.
But my body didn’t forget and my energetic body was damaged from that point.
For years I have been working relentlessly to remove the built up layers around my heart – it feels like I have a hardened shell that needs to break free. But it only occurred to me yesterday that this journey isn’t only my own – there is a group collective healing needed to help all woman break free and rise up. And what if sharing our stories and experiences is part of that collective release?
It’s with this in mind that I’m sharing my story, I’m releasing the burden of keeping it to myself & I’m shining light into my heart to help my original, pure, joyous, 4 year old to escape the shell and be free again.
I want others who have been assaulted and/or harassed to know that although our healing journey is unique, we’re also in it together. There are many of us who know the silent prison and are working through the inevitable feelings of shame, fear, anxiety, judgement and unworthiness.
Speaking out is not only important for women, but also for men. Something needs to shift and bringing light to this topic is one way of doing that.
For those who have also experienced assault and/or harassment, I give you my respect and my love. May you find peace with your journey and comfort in knowing that you’re not in it alone. May our collective voice and healing allow space for all females to be safe and free in the future.
With all my love,